i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm too high and old for this...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
