Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
