She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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