Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
