So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
