Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They took my balls.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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