I am puke
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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