I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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