K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
