Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
