I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
