update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
