I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
