This girl is more easily done than said...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
