We're facebook friends in real life
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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