just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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