Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
