so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
