all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Randomize
