Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
