He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
