just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
