I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
