when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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