I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
