Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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