Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
