Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
