last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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