2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
