Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
