His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
