This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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