Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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