Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
