Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
