If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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