i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
