But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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