So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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