eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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