Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
