This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
