I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
