I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
