Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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