i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
