so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
