I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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