She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
