all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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