Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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