The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
