Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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