from now on my penis is your penis
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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